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Friday, April 26, 2019

The 50-year-old unit (manufacturer's notes/review)


As of today, I've worked very closely with this unit for the past 50 years, so with the manufacturer's perceived permission, (I was unable to discuss this in person although I left several verbal messages) here is my review and what I've learned about the unit, in case anyone comes across this what has many times been called "an interesting piece of work."

Sadly, for the first couple of years the unit malfunctioned on a daily basis, lost fluids and wasn't very user-friendly. These malfunctions, often nocturnal, caused many night's of lost sleep for its handlers, who asked for a replacement model several times, but to no avail as the unit warranty expired on the first day of output.

The handlers searched throughout the main warehouse and surrounding areas for a user manual, but with the lack of corporate support, they went on to figure things out for themselves - and from it's third or fourth year, the unit began to perform as similar models of that same year.

The unit had another major malfunction around its 10th year when it accidentally struck a moving vehicle, resulting in some major injuries to one of its moving parts, but as no replacement parts were changed, the unit was soon back at the warehouse, with newly updated programs that often ran amok during trial runs.

After 19 years of training and testing, the handlers were comfortable the unit functioned correctly and the unit was shipped from the main warehouse to a satellite facility. Without its handlers present, the unit operated at late hours of the evening, took in many pints of fluid and would then rest until the afternoon shift began.

However, as the years went by, the unit completed its tasks, continued to perform to the manufacturer's standards and only visited the main warehouse on select dates to undergo safety checks by its handlers. The unit later shipped out to new and varied locations around the globe, mainly following protocol, but often finding itself in new and varied situations when sometimes logic failed and emergency shutdown procedures were performed.

Two major resets happened in the second and third decades of its lifespan, but as a result of one reset, the unit was refitted with specialized programming that allowed it to watch over and program three smaller units. (One note: When the unit looked for, and could not find a user manual, it asked for the manual used when it was a new unit. The handlers, who were nearing retirement, laughed and wished the unit well.)

Now, on this the 50th anniversary of its first day in operation, the unit is a bit banged up, missing part of its upper covering and generally showing its age, but does appear to be functioning correctly.

While the shelf life of the unit remains undetermined, I would suggest that there's a few years left in its motor, but it does now warrant annual check ups to determine if any inner cogs or working parts need to be replaced.

To summarize, this quirky unit was manufactured in a limited quantity of one (although the handlers produced a similar unit three years later.) All in all, it has worked to much of its potential, and now that its reached a half-century of existence, I recommend its placement in a quiet, rural environment to extend the lifespan and allow others to experience this unit in motion.

(PS: If it's in sleep mode, a gentle tapping on the left side will reactivate the sensory motion devices.)


Elephant's Child said...

I can't spell.
Happy birthday youngster, with many more to come.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Happy Birthday Mark ... and here's to lots more - yes with a little oil and perhaps a glass of wine or two - but plenty more fun and life ahead ... cheers Hilary

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Happy fiftieth Mark! Yes, the unit is banged up and parts might start falling off, but give it a little more juice and you won't even notice.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

LOL! I can relate. Happy birthday, Mark.

Lisa said...

Hahaha! See, I told you you write funny well! I love it. What a way to see oneself! Happy Birthday funny man!

CWMartin said...

I think my unit is working off the same manual! Well done, my good man.

Recep Hilmi TUFAN | rehitu.com said...

Happy birthday!

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