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Monday, March 5, 2012

You Know You're A Parent When... (#7)

You Know You’re a sleep deprived Parsnip, er, Parent when:

·         You used to tell Son. No. 1 to “be a little quiet,” or “can you take it down a notch,” or even “inside voice, please” (although that one never worked, because the boy is *loud.*)
Two Androids and a Tablet later, it’s all about the “50% volume voice”, the “75% voice” or even the "10% voice" (reserved for when the baby can’t sleep and needs to be rocked to some awesome '80s muzik.)

You doing the "GOT GREEN? Blog O'hop?
·         You finally have a breakthrough moment! (Anyone following this series of posts knows that me and the Lucky Charms are not friends right now – they started it!! – but today, HA!) we solved the problem.
(I plan to work on the smaller issue of world peace next.)

Yes, yes, and will you tell us already. You know many readers can only skim all these blogs while the boss is out of the office. They don’t have time to spend listening to me telling I to hurry up…
Are you mad?
YES! (sniffle) I’m tired of your waffling…you’ve changed.
What?? I’ve changed. No I haven’t.

Thanks Cassie :)
Yes, you have, ever since Calliope Mae put you up for two awards… your ego is too big. It’s going to pop out of your head.

Will Pass These On, I Promise :)

Well, there’s no hair to stop the pop, what can I do… sigh.

Anyhow,where were I?

·         Oh, yes, so the solution to the Lucky Charms debacle…. One bag between two sons… Give No. 1 Son the responsibility to hold said bag. Tell him he needs to share with his brother.
            Then, No. 2 Son feeds himself ‘till the cows come home and won’t doesn’t have the chance to chuck the charms.
Bloody Genius.
The idea. Not you. 

(Meanwhile, back at the ranch, a chicken wing dipped by to say get back on message…)

Oops…You Know You’re a Parent When…

·         You’re busy writing something tres thespian and muy serious and then… about thirty seconds later, you’re behind the couch playing hide-and-seek
            In a really small room…
            Actually the couch is about all you can hide behind…
            But, you’re having tons of fun and all the Sons are lovin’ it like a McDonald’s promo.

·         Without thinking, you happily wipe the chocolate off the face (not even the mouth – the face) of a neighbor’s child as if said child was a renegade No. 4 Son. (If you asked me to do that five years ago, I would have ran screaming in the direction of my missing ManCard. Seriously.)

·         You’re rocking No. 3 Son to sleep – while “jamming” (very loose verb for the actual body movement) to Pop Muzik (by M, circa 1979) when you realize that back in the ‘80s, you used to rock with babes to this futuristic dance hit (see below :)… and now, well, now, you’re still grooving and rocking with the babe… only this one poops and cries a lot more often…

Final thoughts for this Monday: Later this week, my wife and I will celebrate ten years of being together (two as date-ees, eight as a married couple.)
I love my wife and I love me our three boys, so while I’ll never be rich like the amazing Mr. Mark Y. Mark Wahlberg, I am rich like the unique Mr. Mark Koopmans – and to God be the glory.


Anne Gallagher said...

I've brought my daughter up on Aerosmith and Grand Funk Railroad. Nothing like a little Steven Tyler screaming to get the baby to go to sleep. Works almost as good as the vacuum cleaner.

Pat Hatt said...

LOL cracked up at the poops and cries more often. You mean you made those other babes cry? That wasn't nice..hahaha

Morgan said...

"Bloody Genius" <----Hahahaha!!!!

So, what I want to know is do you *really* have lucky charms in your house or are you just foolin' us with your Irish goodness?

And the pop song (I'm embarrassed to admit) was actually pretty catchy... ;)

Elizabeth Seckman said...

I love Pop Muzik! And my kids make fun of me for it.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hilarious as always. Wonder if I should start a series 'You know you're not a parent when...?'
Wouldn't be as funny though.

Sher A. Hart said...

Hey from the campaign. Exactly what Pat Hatt said, I love your sense of humor. Too many parents lose it.

My thing was singing silly songs to my boys to put them to sleep. I still sing, but now to the cats. Shh. Don't tell. The cats don't go to sleep; instead they meow until I feed them. So I sing, they get the supper. Where's the logic in that?

M Pax said...

Congrats on the 10 years. Glad you resolved the Lucky Charms issue. :)

writing and living by Richard P Hughes said...

I'm raising my 2 1/2-year-old grandson. I'm very well versed in The Wiggles and Dorothy the Dinosaur and Barney and Zaboomafoo (spelling?)and, well, you probably know them all, too.

Lara Schiffbauer said...

Thanks for the grins and giggles! I, too, have those surreal times where I stop and think "How'd this happen?" but wouldn't change it for the world. Lately, it's been when my boys are talking to each other very earnestly about scenes from Star Wars, or playing out something from one of the movies. I can't believe my good luck!

Sarah Tokeley said...

I'm proud to say that eldest daughter (she beats her sister by six minutes) is an afficionado of 80's music. One of her favourite t-shirts is my 24 year old Cure top :-)

Unknown said...

I have definitely had those hide and seek moments. Big congrats on your 10 years!!

Leigh Covington said...

LOL! How did I miss this yesterday? Honestly - I think I am losing it! That is scary because it's already lost and I didn't think it was possible to lose it more! This is all because of parenting - I'm sure of it!

Melissa Sugar said...

Thanks for the laughs and congratulations on ten years. I am actually starting to miss the younger years now that my girls are teenagers and one will be driving after one more week of drivers ed. Scary.

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