IWSG - The Auntology Edition

Aloha,

Today is IWSG… and also the deadline to submit for there new auntology!

 

This month's awesome IWSG co-hosts are: Kristin Smith, Elsie, Suzanne Furness and Fundy Blue. Thanks, y'ell. 

Oh, and by the wee, my name is Mark.
 I’ll be your swerver tonight. I hope you enjoy.
If there’s anything else I can do, let me know.
My entrée below for the auntology is entitled: What not to do marketing wise.

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Today, I’m here to speak about my success in marketing. My thanks to Warden Hashtag, who first suggested I share some valuable tips—for a few laughs. Warden, #ThisOneIsForYou.

Initially, I'd like to bandy about, nay discus, and throw over some general ideas about your Novel.
For brevity, I’ll assume the position (cough) that you’re not writing Non-Friction.
Thus, the burning issue is for all intense and porpoises caused by Friction -- and what it means in this hot and cold world of readers.

Let's began! 

·         As a young, or established otter, you always want readers to come back for more. Easiest way to achieve this goal? Leave the book unfinished!

Think of a fancy novel cuisine restaurant. Their plates are big, portions are small, butt customers always leave hungry for more.

However, even if your wok isn’t finished, don't forget it should always be critiqued by other writers and “beater readers”
(Many are online. Mine live locally and always beat the crap out of me—for wasting their time, hence the name.)

 

·         One of my favorite marketing tips is the actuary storyline itself.

Some consider storyline to be added baggage that takes away from the look of the book, so I ask u: Is storyline really that important?

A few will say yes; but to me, it’s a mute point. I’ve found it’s more important to carry a large book under one’s arms than actually use a book for something so pedantic as reading.

(With Candy Crush, Angry Birds, free online slots and other intellectually stimulating movements available on the Spindle, who has the extra time?)

 

·         Squeaking about the look of the Book, covers are very important.

It’s important (did you notice how I entertwined two “importants” in just two sentences? This itself is an important tip. Good writers know now that the knowledge they learn now—and tomorrow, too—is important. I know. Do you know? You know now, don’t you! Ha, let’s continue, shell we.)

Ah yes, Book covers. The best ones are those heavy duty plastic types found in many good prison (and pubic) librarys.

You know, the transcendental ones that are so thick it’s hard to even read the title. Your bookshelf will have a uniform look that will make the hardest nail of a guard crack a smile, instead of a lemur.

·         Make sure you have a good editor.

They’re great resorts for when you write peaces like this one, only I created this myself this time.

            (Don’t worry, I’m a trained professional writing on a closed ciruit.)

Heaving an editor is important not only for the counting of words, but for the grammer and puckutuation, too.

 

·         And finally, pricing. I see a lot of books priced at various pricing.
Which is great and all, but to me, a good book is worth nothing less than $20.
It’s a clean, neat fissure and there’s no need to buy one of those little “give a penny, take a penny” plastic holders.
 

·         PS… The photo on the back of the book, and the author bio are useful for deflecting negative criticism, when the usual one of two people not understand the greatness of what they carry under their arms.

I suggest pulling random pictures on Instirgram (a man’s picture for a guy writer makes it easier) and bio information can be cut and plastered from Myspace.
(No one’e ever on there anymore.)

 

·         And finally, whatever you do, don’t wear a coconut bra and grass skirt… unless you can pull this fashion move off.