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Friday, October 26, 2012

First Anniversary of "You Know You're a Parent When..." (#12)


Before this month’s “You Know You’re A Parent When…” post, I must apologize that I haven’t replied to many recent comments.
I am WIP-minus 37 from my deadline, completely failing in my blogging duties – and I ask for your patience. All unanswered comments are waiting in a file (thanks: no-hyperlink-needed Alex.)


(Part One:) "PEEK A...
 This is the twelfth installment of my “YKW,” series, which means I’ve been promoting my, er, lack of parental skills for more than a year…
Here in the Blogisfear, it’s normal to celebrate a year of something (blog, followers, life,) but please for all that is holy and special… hold all congratulatory comments, because after a year (or more – No. 1 Son is five)…

Wouldn’t you think my wife and I would have nailed this parenting thing, right?
Apparently not.

Let’s dive in, (but not in the bath – apart from the obvious safety reasons, you need to check the water with your elbow first – oh, and try not to fall in… because now your center of balance is off, and you’re carrying a naked, twenty-pound baby held out at arm’s length in case he pees on you.

C'mon now, this is tasty stuff.

You can find the most recent YKW posts here and here. Everything happened, and it’s all based on my daily life as a happily married stay-at-home Dad J

You Know You’re a Parent When…

·         No. 3 Son is in the high-chair, and Mama says she’s “going to let him down” and the first thing that pops into your sleep-deprived head is to tell your wife that no, no, it’s OK, you’ll do it, so you get ready to shout: “Santa’s not real! Santa’s not real!”

·         While cooking in the kitchen (as opposed to the neighbor’s front yard – *shakes head*) you are asked to count to twenty (or “up to one,” depending on the age of the Son whose turn it is.)

And while the kids play hide-and-seek in the no-nooks-and-crannies of the open floor plan that is downstairs, you are reminded that, “but it’s OK, remember, we have our invisible green poncho,” which is when you remember it’s important to chill when making chili.)
·         A smile comes to your face and you say YES! when, in the middle of doing the dishes, Mama’s voice clearly echoes all the way downstairs and into the kitchen: “What? Why did you put Buttpaste on your toothbrush?”
Sometimes, dirty dishes can be a blessing…

 ·      Upset that a “decrusted” peanut butter sandwich still remains uneaten, the question is asked of No. 1 Son:

“What’s wrong with the sandwich?”

“It’s the wrong shape.”

INNER VOICE: The wrong shape, the wrong shape??? I’ve cut the edges off, so of course it’s not going to be a neat-looking shaped sandwich.


Can I have a square shaped sandwich?

INNER VOICE: What’s wrong with a rough-looking triangle-y shaped sandwich???

OUTER VOICE: “Square?”

“Square. Yes, please, Papa.”

After eating a non-wanted peanut butter (triangle-y shaped) sandwich, you drive to Bed, Bath and Beyond and invest in a train-shaped de-crustifying thing.

Later that week…

OUTER VOICE (filled with pride): So, how’s that train-shaped peanut butter sandwich, huh? Isn’t it awesome?

It’s OK, Papa, but can I have a triangle shape sandwich, please?

INNER VOICE: Weeps, especially as you keep forgetting about the George Forman and the ability to make a grilled cheese sandwich… with cool stripes on them :)
(Part Two:) ...BOO"         HAPPY HALLOWEEN


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Lost it on the buttpaste! Is that stuff real? Is that what I'm missing without kids?

Mark Koopmans said...

Seriously, it is as real as a baby's diaper rash!

Butt, (oh gosh, I crack (!!) myself up even in my comments) the first time I heard of Buttpaste, I was like, whatever dude.

Now, I swear by it. (Stands next to box and says bad word.)

Miranda Hardy said...

Butt paste in your toothbrush! Lol that's classic.

Suzi said...

Buttpaste is great stuff!

We had an incident where Grandpa, not paying attention, wanted to put buttpaste on his granddaughter's toothbrush. She informed him it was buttpaste.

Luckily she was paying attention!

Melissa said...

LOL on the Buttpaste. Eeewwww! :D (Yes, Alex, it's real. We use it in the NICU.)

Julie Flanders said...

LOL I never heard of buttpaste either LOL. Maybe it's just as well I'm not a parent.

Love the photos! What cute kiddies. :)

Emily R. King said...

LOL! Butt paste on a tooth brush. Sometimes I smile, too, when my husband finds a disaster before I do.

Great post, Mark. Enjoy your writing time!

Morgan said...

I am DYING with the inner voice/outer voice stuff... It's SO true... !!!!

And the "Boo!" was so cute with the pics. Funny how kids really think they're hidden under a blanket. And they are SOoooooo beautiful!!!!!!! :D

Erin Kane Spock said...

That was my brand of butt paste back in the diaper days. Great post.

Johanna Garth said...

Your kids are so adorable and I LOLed on the letting them down means telling them about Santa Claus!

Samantha May said...

1. Your kids are ADORABLE :)

2. THREE BOYS?! *Passes out*

3. Thanks for the continuous entertainment :D

Mary Aalgaard said...

Lord knows what they'll think up next.

Suzanne Furness said...

Never heard of buttpaste but I can imagine! Hope the writing is going well.

Nicole said...

Hahaha! I'd say congrats, but maybe "hold on for the ride" is more appropriate. :)

Good luck cranking on your WIP!!

Anonymous said...

I was going to suggest a cookie cutter heart shape but you got it covered in the next paragraph......too cute that they want the dilpidated "dad" shape, your kids are adorable and happy. I love your stories too....was glad to see a new installment on your blog, they are refreshing.

Still havent bit into google account, oh well maybe next month

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Mark - crumbs three boys - what fun - but can understand the paste thing .. good luck with the writing - just enjoy life and you are!! Cheers Hilary

Elise Fallson said...

You wouldn't believe it, but my Dad sent me the exact same butt paste years ago when my daughter was born! I kept the box because it's so damn funny. Just look at those ears! :D

Kirsten said...

I giggled and smiled all the way through your post.
It's hard to believe such sweet-looking boys make so much trouble!
Congrats on one year of parental skills. :) Looks like you're doing just fine.

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