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Monday, August 6, 2012

You Know You're a Parent When...(#10)

Aloha,
Well, when you’re raising three boys under the age of six, time doth fly.

Wow… Here’s the tenth installment of my monthly “You Know You’re A Parent When…” series.
Like previous editions – you can find the most recent here and here – it all happened and is based on my daily adventures as a happily married stay-at-home Dad J

 You know you’re a parent when…


·         Instead of the usual frustrated feelings when told your expected wait is “fifteen minutes – but your call is really important –” you decide to accept the mission (that no one gave you.)

Can you change, wash, dress and get the baby to sleep before the cheery, tinny out-sourced voice comes back on the line?
Yes, I'm in the laundry basket. Papa was multi-tasking:)

And, wouldn’t you know?
Score!

“Hah, I’d like to see Michael Phelps do that water move,” you say to sleeping No. 3 Son while rocking [him in] the hallways.
Your mood is brighter, your step lighter – until reading Phelps won his 22nd Olympic medal.

The tagline from Wayne’s World pop into your head as you ponder this awesome achievement :)


·         Your heart skips a beat and the boys’ college funds receive a major boost (if only for a second) when you read the following email:
“An ATM Card Donation of $4Million US Dollars has been accredited to you from online draw. Contact Mr.Barnet Catford for claims.”

Sigh… if onlyJ


·         Speaking of sleeping babies, you lay the little beauty down for his nap.

...Then spend the next ten minutes extracting your fingers from between the pillow and the head of No. 3 Son

… one false move and it’s all over…

Sweat beats down your brow as you listen to Twinkle, Twinkle (You’re Killing Me) Star… nine times in a row.
Once the extraction is complete (and you switch the "repeat one" button off,) you make a mental note to ask the local Bomb Squad how they do what they do…


·         When No. 2 Son suffers from an unknown bug/illness, the after effects result in you coming up with a revised version of a Christmas classic (even though it’s July.)

Sung to the tune of 12 Days of Christmas, your version goes something like:

"Seven pukes a puking,

Six white towels,

Five. Changed. Outfits

Four hot showers,

Three new sheets,

Two year-old boy

And one too many glasses of milk."

·         Proudly, and with pride, you hold the new, $10 nightlight up in the air as if it was Excalibur. Tired of No. 2 Son destroying the “normal” nightlights, you review the packaging again:

“Guaranteed for 10,000 hours! Break resistant!”

Sadly, this Super Nightlight never had the pleasure of officially meeting No. 2 Son.

Seventy-two hours later, it lay at the bottom of the stairs, its resistance (and everything else) broken.

Later that evening, you switch on the laundry room light and leave the door open a crack.


·         And finally, I always tell the one about me before I had kids.

I had hair that would make a 80s rocker proud, and now look at me: As bald as the eagle.

It’s tough being a parent. It really is, but I’d rather be in an empty room screaming through frustration, than frustrated and screaming because our home is empty.

This post is dedicated to the wonderful, loving couples who are all too familiar with Clomid, timed shots and unromantic rendezvous.


(Hang in there… my wife and I have walked in your shoes.
No. 1 Son and No. 2 Son arrived via God’s blessings – and fertility treatments – so Don’t. Ever. Quit.)






17 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I lost it on the Twelve Days of Puking!

S.P. Bowers said...

I've walked in those shoes too and both our children arrived via the adoption agency. You know it's worth the effort and the 12 days of puking when their little arms go around your neck for morning huggers.

Miranda Hardy said...

Children either bring out the best or worst in us. Lol

Stina Lindenblatt said...

ROFL Unfortunately I can relate to this all too well. :)

Kelley Lynn said...

This is so great!

Leigh Covington said...

LOL!
You are not alone my friend. LOL. Always so excruciating when you finally get them to sleep then have to put them down without waking them back up. :)
Hope the other one is feeling better soon. :)

cleemckenzie said...

Ah yes. The good old days. I remember them well. What a great time you're having, really. And how fortunate you AND they are to have each other.

You're on to something with your "song" of twelve days. I love it!

Johanna Garth said...

I love the twelve days of puking and I used to set the same types of mini Olympic challenges for myself too. Can I get up the stairs with three bags of groceries and holding Child #2's hand w/o dropping anything?

David P. King said...

Dude. This cracks me up. How true this all is. :)

Linda Jackson said...

I used to tell people they're not real parents until they've had 3 kids. Now I'll tell them they're not real parents until they've had 3 kids under 6...all at once. Thanks for the laughs.

Carrie Butler said...

Hah! 'Twinkle, Twinkle (You’re Killing Me) Star'...

Cracked me up. :D

Nancy Thompson said...

Oh my God, this is so funny. Brings back so many memories. Looking back, I don't know how I got through it all, but I can honestly say, I'm proud of the fact that I did. It just keeps getting better, Mark. And once it's over, you'll wonder where the time went.

Morgan said...

I'm with Alex! I'm dying with the Twelve days stuff... seriously too awesome... This humor is my humor... it's all just so... REAL!!!

Melanie Fowler said...

Doing anything with kids deserves an olympic award! You're doing great Mark!

Melissa said...

"… one false move and it’s all over…"
xD ROFL (I dare you to try that with twins. :P)

Great post! Mine are 11, 11 and 14, and this took me back. :)

Gene Pool Diva said...

And you wouldn't have it any other way :)

Deniz Bevan said...

Hi Mark,
I've been reading through all your You Know You're A Parent When posts and having a great time!
I know what you mean about the Clomid, et al. Expecting our first at the moment!

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