Me, Mother's Day & Victoria's Secret (Part ONE)

Aloha,

I don’t normally post on Monday – but I am traumatized J because of what happened this past Friday.

 (When I finished relating what happened to my wife, Gen, she said that was her present for Mother’s Day!)

I had so much fun writing about this event that I couldn’t fit the whole story in five hundred words.

This is PART ONE of a daily series that will end this Friday - at the latest J)

                                                                        ###

Gen, and I were talking last week, and I mentioned if she wanted anything for Mother’s Day?

“Well, I don’t want flowers, jewelry or stuffed animals, but oh! I would like some new undies.”

I was already thinking Ross or Wal-Mart when an icicle of fear pierced my heart as she smiled and said where she wanted me to go.

“Victoria’s Secret.”

Beads of sweat popped out of my manly brow as my writer’s mind offered an instant vision:

Me and the three kids working our way past a row of colorful bras and other sexy lingerie things… then the stroller hits a display holding a mannequin-ette… which topples over… as I instinctively raise my hands, I find myself cupping a lace-covered, voluptuously made plastic bosom… just as an elderly woman walks by. She shakes her head, tsk tsks me and suggests we should rent a hotel room…

Shaking off this nightmare scenario, I turn to my wife with a hopeful look.

“Hang on, my love. How about I buy you one of those pajama combo things… the hoodie, footie things on TV, you know the ones that end in “ie?”

Source: photobucket.com/vswholesale

“It’s a Snuggie and, no, I just need a few pairs of undies from Victoria’s Secret – but while you’re there you can buy something for yourself, too.”

Oh, la, la.

Now we’re talking. (I love Mother’s DayJ)

OK. I have five business days to arrange for my not-so-secret visit to Victoria’s Secret (VS.)


I'm a guy. I got this.

The first thing I do, (‘cos I’m as sharp as a stick) is to have Gen tell me what type of panties she wants – and as she does…I Write. It. Down.

With that precious info in hand, I now wait until Friday morning to prepare for the rest of the mission. VS is an awesome national brand, so there’s got to be a few around Oahu.

Right?

There’s only one – at least according to my manly GPS.

And it’s in downtown Waikiki.

Which meant, I imagined, horrible traffic, garage parking and me having to decipher a "directory" to help find my way around a huge, sprawling mall for this secret lingerie store.

OK, OK, no worries.

As long as I leave by 9:30 a.m. I can make it there in about twenty minutes, find parking; walk to the store; peruse the panties; purchase the panties; return to minivan and drive home by 11:30 a.m., which is when Gen comes home to feed our infant boy.

For anyone new, I’m a stay-at-home Dad to three boys (aged four, two and four months old.) I write a monthly series on parenting called “You Know You’re A Parent When...”

OK, so if we’re going downtown, that means we’re going on a TRIP.

And a TRIP means, in no particular order that the following must be onboard the minivan:

Three Children.

Two Drinks.

One Snack Bag.

Other miscellaneous equipment needed for the TRIP include:

Diaper bag.

Stroller.

Car seat.

Shoes...

For some reason… (YOU’RE GOING TO A LINGERIE STORE WITHOUT A FEMALE TO GUIDE YOU!!!)… I’m flustered, and instead of leaving at 9:30 a.m. it’s more like 10:15.

I place the Mother's Day card on the hood of the van while I arrange the boys.

Reversing out the driveway, I ask the buckled-in boys if they’re “Ready for an adventure?”

Little did I know….

###

PART TWO will be posted tomorrow, Tuesday…