Before the latest chapter in my real-world WIP (What Improbable Parenting), this Wednesday is Insecure Writers Support Group (known by many as an anagram similar to ISWG :)Along with the jolly old chap called Cavanaugh, I’ll be co-hosting with Nancy Thompson and Heather Gardner.
Hope to see you there :)
(Older chapters in my You Know When You're A Parent... series are here.
And now, ay, caramba! My poor children…
You know you're a parent when...
...you forget to check expiration dates on some of the stuff in the pantry...
...which makes you slightly more understanding after the Sons said the chicken "tasted funny."
You're not sure, but it may have been the seven-year-old lemon spices you added as an afterthought...
...you watch No. 1 Son playing with some sticks and wonder what is he doing?
"It's a big letter 'I' and a small letter 'I,'" he said.
"That's awesome," you say.
... and then look behind you - it's too quiet...
You know you're blessed to be a parent in Hawaii when...
No. 1 Son hands you a long piece of blue fabric, about twelve feet long, with tassles on both sides.
"What's this, Papa?"
"It's a scarf."
"What's a scarf?"
"Well, it has many uses. For example, it can keep your neck or head warm in winter."
"Can I use it as a lasso?"
(Postscript: I've followed the local papers, but to date have read no reports of ex-rustled cattle found suffering from heat exhaustion of the neck or head.)
...you realize your initial retirement plan (that all three Sons make it to the Big Leagues) may need a little work.
...you pat yourself on the back for coming up with a one-bowl solution to the regular Movie Night requests Popcorn and Lucky Charms:
(Ha! Mrs. Koopmans raised no fools!!!)
...only to later remember why you *hate* popcorn and messy charms :)
You know you're a parent in a nice restaurant when... you take satisfaction in hearing other children screaming louder than yours. (Much louder, he smirked.)
(This is quickly followed by a silent prayer of forgiveness when that table suddenly leaves (hence the screaming) and you are now that table with the three ravenous and upset kids...
...you need to give the boys a sticker for listening to what the lady had to say - no matter her age :)
...you're a Soccer Papa when, as the new volunteer head coach, you arrange a Parents' Meeting ahead of the upcoming Under-6 soccer season.
You've thought about this for days.
The handouts are printed.
The practice/drill binders are made - two of them, in case one gets lost!
The game plan is ready.
You will stride confidently into the meeting - wearing clean, pressed athletic gear (synonymous with your idea of a Soccer Coach with a plan!)
You will not forget your new stopwatch and whistle (complete with yellow fluorescent cord.)
Unfortunately, you're held up for more than an hour at No. 1 Son's new school, filling out triplicate forms in pen (and pencil!)
This unscheduled stop results in you leaving your first impression outfit at home while you lead a short, scatter-brained and emotionally drained meeting (pencils?) in a sweaty green T-shirt and an orange ball cap.
(The kids had fun though, which of course, is the point :)
And finally..... you know you are one terrified, OUT-OF-YOUR-MIND with worry parent...
...until you realize (thank you, Lord Jesus!) that No. 3 Son is *not* the newest extra on a very popular AMC show.
He just really, really likes chowing down on red markers :)
PS... no children were harmed in the making of this chapter - but no joke, I *nearly* needed an adult diaper when I came around the patio corner and saw the above-mentioned No. 3. Son :)