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Friday, October 25, 2013

"You Know You're A Parent When..." The LOST Edition (& Do You Have A Goal? Bloghop)

It’s two months since I posted something for my ongoing “You Know You’re A Parent When…” series, so because it’s Halloween, I present the “You Know When: The LOST Edition*”
*(The kids, not the TV show.)

 You know you’re a parent when…
Your Wife goes on a work-related trip and the Grandparents are in town to help with the three boys.

Time to get up off the couch boys, Papa has an idea!!

About four hours after the Wife leaves, you decide to bring the boys for a bike ride.
They wait in the driveway as you go back inside for about 45 seconds, ‘cos you forgot the drinks.
Silly, silly parent.
Back. “Hey, where’s No. 2 Son?”
His older brother says, “I don’t know.”
You are, of course, a former reporter and a writer with a vivid imagination.
Not thinking straight (and because you’re worried,) you ask No. 1 Son various leading questions. Each is answered with the same "I think so."
Within three minutes you believe that No. 2 Son has been snatched by a large, single man with sunglasses who drove a big blue car...

Grandma joins the search and as you run in and out of the garage several times, you both do admirable impressions of chickens with their heads cut off …
Much to the amusement of No. 2 Son who decides (finally) to leave the comfortable driver's seat of the rather large, parked vehicle sitting there in plain sight.
As he climbs from the minivan, he asks Grandma why she was running around so much?
Twenty-four hours later, THIS happened.
So, two scary lost children stories in one day should fill the yearly quota, but oh no, not for your kids…

You know you’re a parent when…
Two weeks later, you’re hosting the regular Tuesday night bible study. A family friendly event, the front door is unlocked, the backyard becomes a mosh pit of mini mites and inside the adults enjoy a potluck dinner and fellowship.
Grandma always takes the three Sons upstairs, and why would tonight be any different?
What? I'm supposed to still hold the bat?

However, No. 2 Son lurks in the backyard, but you don’t realize this.

 Thirty minutes later, there’s a knock and a concerned neighbor says there’s an unknown lost child at the top of the street.
With pride, you say (before you falleth,) “Oh, it’s not one of mine. All ours are upstairs.”

Silly, silly parent.

A quick inventory of the visiting ankle-biters is taken and all are accounted for.

Still bothered by the poor, lost boy – and what terrible parents he must have – you head up to see him. Perhaps you might recognize and help reconnect the toddler with the afore mentioned despicable me parents.

From a distance, you see the sleeping babe in the arms of a neighbor while others gather around in a protective circle.
Hmm, the poor little angel has the same clothes as No. 2 Son… how funny.
Even closer…
Wow, the little guy is about the same age and height as No. 2 Son… weird.
The mom turns around and you get a clear sighting of the cherub’s cheeks.

It is No. 2 Son.

A large, appearing sinkhole would not go amiss right now...
With shock, you claim back your didn’t-know-he-was-missing child and splutter mega thanks while blurting apologies as the community security guard takes some details.

A week later…
You go the zoo with only two of the three kids (No. 1 Son is in school.) Watching two is so easy that you actually relax for a moment.
Silly, silly parent.

Look how fast I can run, Papa!!
When you look over at the kid’s playground where No. 2 Son was only a minute ago, you think hmmm, where is the booger bite?

Having freaked out when you lost No. 3 Son in August, you call for security and PTL, No. 2 Son is found about ten minutes later, nearby in the Keiki (kids) area.
That’s it, right? We're done?
Oh, noooo….

Recently, you visited the Bishop Museum and No. 2 Son, (now nicknamed Ninja Child) gets away again!!! (No. 1 Son had trouble emailing this picture at the LEGO encounter.)


As soon as you turned in toward the computer, Ninja Child took off.
Help was called - again (every public attraction in O’ahu has since given me direct numbers to their security.)

 “Look, Papa, I found you!”
After another ten minutes, you spot Ninja Child happily strolling outside the building... and the first thing he says is:


And finally, since you have decided to NEVER again leave the house until all three boys are at least eighteen, this past Wednesday was a good opportunity to clean all their toy chests/drawers/areas.
You're busy and then... all of a sudden, you hear how silent it is….
Oh oh…
You hear a noise from here:

...but don't think much about it as you walk the rooms calling out for Ninja Child.

Upon your return to the living room, this is what you find:

And upon further investigation, this is what you discover:

HI Papa!!!
I'm just going to sit here and play my "tabewit."

For the rest of the day, you remain curled in the fetal position, your thumb a source of great comfort…


(Also, it’s time for the monthly update for Do You Have A Goal Bloghop hosted by Misha Gericke.
I’ve dumped my 18,000 words in WIP#2 to begin WIP#3.
Starting again. New genre – new hope.
This one’s a thriller about a dad who keeps losing his kids (it’s not, but it probably should be!!) It feels better than WIP#2, but we’ll see…

No. 1 Son: "Hi, everyone! Look at me, I'm not lost!"


Dianne K. Salerni said...

MY GOSH your sons are flight risks!
You need to get those ankle bracelets that people wear when they're on house arrest.

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Dianne took the words right out of my mouth. Ankle bracelets!

Miranda Hardy said...

They invented the child leashes just for you! I'd invest in them. Lol

Good to hear your papa stories.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Mark, whenever the government has information it wants quietly made lost, it needs to call you.
Maybe some sort of tracking device is needed? Like the ones they tag on animals?
Good stuff about the word count, though!

Beth said...

Oh Wow! Your no. 2 son sounds as mischievous as my little ELF. Dang toddlers.

Melissa said...

Hang tight. I'll send you some LoJacks and some leashes. hahaha

Shah Wharton said...

Sometimes we have to follow our writers heart with our WIP's, and perhaps get our children chipped?



Al Diaz said...

Your daddy misadventures always makes me chuckle. (Sorry for that) maybe it's the way you tell about your distress. ;) Do please drop by the cave, I do have a special invitation for you, my friend.

Misha Gerrick said...

Hahaha you know... you're making me quite frightened of parenthood. :-P

Good luck with the new project.

M.J. Fifield said...

I was No. 2 Son for my mother. And one afternoon, I zipped my little brother into my mother's sewing machine bag. I was a delightful child.

Yolanda Renée said...

Too funny, well, not for you! :)

So frightening and embarrassing, but yeah, leashes, ankle bracelets, or chips - a few choices. LOL

I think a book on parenting is definitely called for!

Rachna Chhabria said...

Son 2 is really a naughty boy, sure keeping you on your toes.

Red Shoes said...

Wow... the memories this brought back to me! I'm glad mine grew up (somewhat) and are out on their own!!!


Elephant's Child said...

Aaaargh. I could feel your panic. How fast they move...

klahanie said...


It's apparent that you are a parent. You look away for just one second and...

I notice some WIPs happening. I have a goal. The "End All Bloghops, Bloghop!" Arggghhhhhh!!!!MAKE THEM STOP!!!!

A good weekend to you.

Gary :)

Elizabeth Seckman said...

Poor Mark! If it makes you feel better, I never lost any of my boys...but their dad did on many occasions. FYI- in any public store,etc, if your child comes up missing notify a worker and they will do a Code Adam and secure all the doors to stop children from being taken from the establishment. My husband knows all the kid finder tricks.
(One day, I'll have to tell you the story of how our Son #3 got the nick name Arbees)

Arlee Bird said...

My parenting days are past, but it was a great adventure. Don't need all the excitement you've been having though. Don't know that my nerves could deal with it anymore.

Check out my interview with viral blogger Liza Long
Tossing It Out

S.P. Bowers said...

Every parent's worst nightmare. Your kids sound like they'll be travelers like you. :)

Anonymous said...

Dropping by because I'm also doing the Five Year Project. Inventing a whole new genre sounds very ambitious! Good luck with your new WIP.

Morgan said...

Hahahaha!!!!! Oh gosh... Mark, how am I supposed to comment? I want to tell you everything I'm laughing at, but then I would probably just copy and paste everything... oh dear...

Sounds like number 2 son is your favorite right now ;-)

Sometimes I forget that my bloggy friends are real people too... that they're not just sitting behind laptops typing away fabulous stories...

I think it's my goal in life to meet you, numbers 1-3, and the lovely some day! Oh how entertaining that would be!

Suzi said...

There is such a simple fix to this missing child problem. GPS tracking devices implanted in their arms. You'll never lose them again. :)

Trisha said...

I'm surprised you ever get out of that fetal position, Mark! haha.

Good luck with WIP #3 :) If it feels better, that is a good start!

Elise Fallson said...

Oh my gosh, that stressed me out and made me laugh all at the same time! *goes to check on kids* (;

The Words Crafter said...

I think I'd be ready for a huggie jacket! Hilarious read, though.

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