Of Germy Mice and Men

Aloha,

If you’ve ever read my “about me” page, you’ll know I’m a rookie homeschooling, stay-at-home dad of three boys (our latest edition dropped this past New Year’s Eve, which was sweet timing on the 2011 tax break hook up!)

Cheers, Son.

Anyway, I was self-musing

Is it me, or does that sound a little rude…?

 …when it occurred I haven’t shared much about the homeschooling side of things, so...

I’m a member of two wonderful homeschool support groups. One is the Oahu Military HomeschoolersConnection; the other is the Military Home Educator's Network of Oahu.

Although most definitely a male in the minority, the moms have not been mum in their support for the tall, bald guy who wears a Boppy on his head and talks with a funny accent.

The Man. The Legend. The Manilow.

I’ve received some great advice the last several months - all in an effort to figure out what No. 1 Son needs to learn so the guys in the Black Suburban won’t chuck me in solitary with only The Very Best of Barry Manilow for company.

And then I got to thinking... if the ladies are hooking a brother up

or am I now a sister??

...well then, gosh darn it, the least I can do is volunteer to host a monthly family friendly event.

This was in November.

I never thought two months would go so fast!

However, allegedly smart that I am – with fifteen years in the restaurant industry I thought it'd be a breeze, no a sneeze, to spend two hours teaching the kids – and moms – about germs, bacteria and how much of a fungi I am.

Seriously. With lines like that, will you say a prayer for my wife? Please?

“GermFest 2012” had scheduled special appearances by minor chefs such as “Gordon Flimsay” and “Auntie Bea” – (a second cousin to Rachel Ray.) Both were unable to attend.
Smart people.

I had printouts, pictures and tons of research in the days leading up to The Event

Cool name, someone should make a television series… oh…

This was going to be awesome!

Only it wasn’t.

As soon as I realized there were other dads there….

There were never any dads at the other events I attended… OK, maybe there’s one or two, but why were they here, in number, at mine?

A manly tear – just one – escaped my Dutch-Irish eyes.

The other dads meant I wouldn’t be special – but I’m the host – I must say, I was unprepared to be so un-specialized.

Standing in front of the small crowd of about twenty,

including the three dads…

my inner announcer said let’s get ready to rumble and that Ego has left the building – complete with his blue rhinestone jacket.

But it was too late. Unraveling quicker than a dropped music cassette tape

(Sorry, I’m listening to the '80s :)

…my two-hour show – highlighted by a “Grilled Cheese Making Quiz”

Kitchen Nightmare?

(with questions like: Can you spot the twelve nasty, germy things I’m doing to this poor, innocent Grilled Cheese Sandwich?)

 …ends one hour, fifteen minutes early.

Really? I was like one of those speed-reader guys… the ones who do the legal stuff in the commercials that spend twenty seconds on the benefits - and two minutes on how dangerous the pills are.

 My presentation ended in forty-two minutes, and for a few moments, I stood there, mouth agape – grateful for the lack of dodgy tomatoes heading my way.

Strangely enough, the dads seemed happier – I’d saved them an hour – so all was not lost.

And I did learn something - even if no one else understood a word I speed-said - singing Happy Birthday (twice) takes about twenty seconds – the exact time needed to kill the pesky germmy germs - so my washing skills have improved dramatically.
(You should see the weird looks I get from the dude standing at the next sink...)

Oh, oh, oh,… and did you know October 15 is Global Handwashing Day :)

A useful tip the next time you’re playing Trivial Pursuit.

Note to self: Change music genre on Pandora… the '80s are launching a full-frontal attack!

Have you ever over-extended while writing?

What suffered most? You, the family or the writing?