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Wednesday, August 12, 2015

"You Know You're A Parent When..." - The Return

Aloha

When my hair was long and my stomach less stout, I once ran a on-off series with a kick-ass acronym  called "YKYAPW."
Normal people called it: “You Know You’re A Parent When…”

"I'm telling you, they have a seal attraction here, somewhere..."

The other day, I found a whole Ziplok bag of scribbled notes, things I’d obviously meant to use, but how deliciously ironic that I saved the notes, but lost the darn bag...

Here then are some long-lost thoughts (and random pics) from a parent who once imagined it would be so easy to “write from home” while raising three boys (then under six.)

YKYAPW you're old enough for the Special Wristband :)

You know you’re a parent when…

  • ...The toddler throws a bowl in your general direction, demanding "More Goldfish!" The Dawn of Attitude has arrived...
  • ...You (easily) keep a straight face when a worried 4-year-old devours, nay, inhales three dairy snacks and then asks worriedly, "And I won't turn into a cheese stick?"
  • "No, for real, I know the seals swim in here. We can't miss them..."
     
  • ... There's so MUCH crap, er, lasting childhood memories laying around, stuff that can "Never, ever be thrown away. I love them, I love them all, Papa!" Old Christmas cards, discarded McDonalds' CrackMeal toys, ripped books. The house will never be free of branded giveaways unless "Kids!! Time Capsule-making time!" Boxes are quickly filled, sealed (and given to the adult children starting in about 15 years.) OCD relaxes... (PS...Don't tell, I have 36 Time Capsules already :)
  • And finally... you try to vacuum the messy floor quicker than three giggling boys who ignore the five-second rule and just munch off the Cheerios-filled carpet. This event is normally preceded by one child handing you an empty bowl with the words, "Here, Papa. It's empty now."
  •  
    Minor League Baseball in the sun is truly a family bonding experience...
###

PS: With 11 weeks before “a REVIVAL is born,” I’m seeking folks to read – and later review (in early November) – my book on their blog.
If you’re truly interested – and have the time – please let me know in the comments below.

All I’m asking – and expecting – is an honest review, so thanks in advance!

I understand this is a huge commitment, so, as they used to say in the windows of ye olde grocery store when help was needed: Serious inquiries only.

(Haha, I feel like adding, “Irish need not apply.”)


"WHEEEEE!!" said the seal as Batman looked at Batman and Batman with a smug. "See, I told you so."







24 comments:

Elephant's Child said...

Re reading, and reviewing: Yes Please.
And since my face is expressive and my patience severely limited it is probably just as well I am not a parent.

Misha Gericke said...

"Time Capsule!" Genius. :-D

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Mark - hoovering up 3 kids can be tricky! Love the photo of the three of them with their backpacks. We all need to keep 'treasures' for their future and stories to add into their repertoire to tell their kids anon ..

Good luck with the reading and reviewing - I'm sure the release will be well received - it's such an incredible story. Cheers Hilary

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Well, obviously he didn't turn into a cheese stick.
If all I had to do was throw Cheetos on the floor and let them graze, I could've handled raising kids. Wait, there's more to it? Never mind...

quietspirit said...

you had some great ideas to combat the attitude issue, and the "keep-it -all itis". I never thought of the time capsule, ( We only had one child but he was well-loved by grandparents, aunts and uncles.)

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

One of my children has finally moved out and I got rid of lots of rubbermaid containers with his name in sharpie on the outside. Three more to go.
Susan Says

Deborah Hawkins said...

lol You had big hopes and dreams. Boys will dash those. ;)

My mom loves Opera, so I'm going to see if she would like to read it!

CWMartin said...

See that darn "you are what you eat" crap catches up with you! A cheese stick? At least he didn't shoot for a cheese ball!

Yolanda Renee said...

Too funny! Great stuff. It took years but we've finally gotten rid of all the legos!

Jo said...

Not a parent, I'm like Alex, but I have seen what others go through. I might say I am loving Revival. On page 246 so nearly finished it. I am sure lots of people will be interested in reading it.

S.P. Bowers said...

I never thought of 'time capsules' I usually just sneak into my son's room and throw out whatever I think he won't miss.

Annalisa Crawford said...

OMG (yep, I said it!) the time capsule idea is actually genius! Where were you 8 years ago when I needed you. My kids are 16 and 11 now, and slightly more inclined to give up their junk. Time capsule... utter genius!

Melissa said...

I wish I'd thought of that time capsule thing. My kids save EVERYTHING! >.<

Deanie Humphrys-Dunne said...

Always fun to stop by to read your blog, Mark. I can relate to your parenting remarks! Yikes, I think if people knew how hard parenting really is, they'd give the whole thing a second thought. But, it's well worth the effort, in my view.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I love the picture of all three boys in Batman costumes!

sage said...

And then you become a grandparent :)

Suzi said...

Time capsule boxes are a great idea. I should try that.

Crystal Collier said...

They grow up way too fast. I might be up for reviewing...although I don't usually post reviews on my blog. (Goodreads, Amazon, B & N, and other online sales sites.)

Lisa said...

Okay, first, you look great in a beard! Second, I laughed with "knowing" laughter at your descriptions in this post, and third, I've got my copy and it's on my Kindle! Can't wait!

Deniz Bevan said...

Love the time capsule idea!
Argh, wish I had time to volunteer for a review. I could host a guest post!

Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! said...

Hi human, Mark,

A time capsule? That got my doggy brain confused. I know my human takes the occasional capsule to get rid of a headache. However, my human brother and I, have stuck around, regardless.

I like your take on things, human. Sorry I cannot be of assistance in your request. I'm exhausted just trying to help out my human dad, Gary.

Pawsitive wishes,

Penny! :)

Emily R. King said...

Oh, parenthood. It never gets easier, does it? FYI, just let them eat the cheerios off the floor. They'll do it faster than any vacuum and you don't have to empty the bag!

Emily R. King said...

Oh, parenthood. It never gets easier, does it? FYI, just let them eat the cheerios off the floor. They'll do it faster than any vacuum and you don't have to empty the bag!

Emily R. King said...

Oh, parenthood. It never gets easier, does it? FYI, just let them eat the cheerios off the floor. They'll do it faster than any vacuum and you don't have to empty the bag!

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